Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
