Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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