I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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