God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
