I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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