I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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