is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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