I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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