Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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