shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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