after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
