Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
