He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
