your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
