I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
