I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
