he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
