sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My bed smells like the plague
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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