He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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