chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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