I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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