Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
