No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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