The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
