His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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