Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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