You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
