Banned from zoo.
Again?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Someone signed my nipple.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
