Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
