I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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