Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can I color on your dick again?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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