omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
