I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
