My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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