Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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