in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
