Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
