i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
