his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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