i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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