If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
