I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
