I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
