Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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