We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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