im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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