I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
