He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
