I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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