Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
