hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
