pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
