you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
