He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
