Ambien. No doubt about it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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