I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
