even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
