I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
