last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
