Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
