The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just threw up on my dentist
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
