Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
