We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He has the fingertips of a God
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